You Know Your Dad’s a Lawyer When…

lawyer-dad

Dads and father figures have their own special way of raising children and offering them advice. But lawyer dads offer a special kind of counsel to their children. Right in time for Father’s Day, we thought we’d share some funny parenting stories of children or spouses of lawyer dads. And because we love our lawyer dads (and moms!) we offer some reasoning behind the advice. If you have your own funny stories to share, leave them in the comments below.

You Know Your Dad’s a Lawyer When…

1. “When negotiating your college apartment lease, a month-long negotiation ended with the landlord somehow paying YOU rent.” – Kara B.

Lawyer dads know loopholes.  If there’s one to be uncovered, he’ll find it. They also know how to assess risks and determine outcomes that will or will not affect their clients, aka children. If you ever asked your lawyer dad to review a contract, you know he’s going to review and revise it resulting in a lengthy back and forth with the unfortunate other party who doesn’t have the resources or the wherewithal to have is own attorney review it. Before you know it, this contract is going to result in a windfall in your favor.   

2. “He allows ‘sentencing statements’ prior to issuing punishments.” – Miriam T.

Because many defendants are allowed the right to allocation in an attempt to minimize their punishments, why not let his five-year old speak on her own behalf before the judge, aka Daddy, imposes the sentence? Hopefully said defendant requested the advice of counsel (mom) before making any statements.

3. “He requires that an adult stands behind all of your friends before allowing them to climb up on the playground ladder.” – Courtney P.

Why subject yourself to potential litigation? We all know how “dangerous” backyard playgrounds can be. Or maybe not. If your dad’s a lawyer, and he somehow lost the battle on even allowing such an obvious danger to enter the property, he’s going to require all participants to be more than adequately supervised before even using said playground. Doesn’t matter that it could be argued that said playmates used the playground and assumed the risk before climbing the ladder. 

4. “He asks you, ‘What’d you learn in school today?’ 10 different ways.” – Duane K.

Any lawyer worth half his or her own weight knows that questioning a witness is an art form. A good lawyer also knows the answer to the question they want to hear before it is even asked. Lawyers know how to ask a question several different ways to get the answer they want. If your lawyer dad doesn’t hear a suitable answer, he’s going to keep on probing. If your answers are inconsistent in any way, forget it. Your cross-examination is just getting started.

5. “Regardless of the mass amounts of technology advancements in the last few decades, he still prefers to do everything with pen and paper and has no problem taking a week to get it to you.”- David C.

Even with electronic filing required or available in most jurisdictions, your old-school lawyer dad believes that nothing is official unless it’s in writing, i.e. on paper. However, if for reason putting something in writing may somehow work against your dad’s favor, he’s not putting it in writing and will call you to confirm. 

6. “He explains every punishment as a jail term to our 9 year-old!” – Denise W.

“You are hereby sentenced to three days with no TV.  One day for each incident of not walking the dog.” Lawyer dads spent a lot of time in crim pro trying to understand the differences between concurrent and consecutive jail terms. And it’s a bar tested question. Therefore, if your dad’s a lawyer, you’re going to get a real clear understanding of how long you are grounded for and what “crimes” you committed that resulted in said punishment.  

7. “He advises you not to put anything on Facebook.” – Meghan F.

Forget that Facebook is the most widely used social networking site in the world. Your lawyer dad constantly reminds you to stop using “that Facebook.” In fact, he refuses to be photographed by you if you plan to post the photo on Facebook even if he’s just enjoying a nice family brunch on Father’s Day. You never when or how that photo can later be used against him. If your dad’s a lawyer, Facebook may be one of the worst social inventions of our time.

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